A Traveling Man
A Brother of mine has received a bunch of Masonic collectible stuff as a gift from a Masonic widow. One of the pieces of ephemera was a little card, brown with age, with the following anecdote that all Traveling Men will find amusing:
The Traveller
From One of the Boys Who Has Been There.
A traveling man who applied for a loan of money, was put through the following examination by a member of the Drummer’s Association:
“Where did you come from?”
“From the town of St. John’s Mich.”
“What came you here to do?”
“To take a few orders and to collect a bill of Billson.”
“Then you are a drummer?”
“I am so taen and accepted by the boys.”
“How may I know you to be a drummer?”
“By my cheek and my forty-pound sample case. Try me.”
“How wll yo ube tried?”
“By the Squire’.”
“Why by the Squire’?”
“Because the “Squire is a magistrate.”
“Where were you first led to be a drummer?”
“In my mind.”
“Where next?”
“In a printing office adjoining a post of drummers.”
“How were you prepared?”
“By being divested of my last cent.”
“How were you received”
“On the toe of a boot, applied to the seat of my trousers.”
“What did that teach you?”
“Not to fool around too much.”
“What happened next?”
“I was put astraddle of a 2×4 and trotted nine times around the room, and then directed to the Left Bower for further instruction.”
“Did this teach you a lesson?”
“You bet. It taught me to look out.”
“Shake, brother. Will you be off or from?”
“Both, if I can borrow miney.”
“Have you any cigars?”
“I have.”
“Give em to me?”
“I did not so receive ‘em nor will I so impart em.”
“How will you dispose of ‘em?”
“On sixty days, two per cent.”
“All right, you begin.”
“No you begin.”
“You Must begin.”
“Up.”
“Em.”
“Set.”
“Set ‘em up. the words and signs are right. You are O.K.”
***
According to the Brother who received the card, the card itself (based on the age of the Brother who has gone to refreshment) was probably from the fifties or so. After doing a little google search, I found a longer, better version of this tale here. Interestingly, I came across this longer version on a couple of non-Masonic sites — needless to say, the posters of it were somewhat confused by it. Amusing stuff!
Or not. Frankly I can’t tell what’s supposed to be happening in this photograph that the Dominion Post of New Zealand breathlessly claims must be showing The Secret Masonic Handshake, because, well, there were some Freemasons gathering for an event and shaking hands.
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Historically, Masonic tradition makes a clear distinction between “operative” and “speculative” Freemasons, the difference being that the former work with real stone and the latter use the tools of stone construction to teach moral lessons.